tdy is jan9... found my luv on dec9 last yr... but i woke up from my dreams alrdy... i din get e last chance to make my dream last alittle longer.. his shoutin makes my heart BROKE... tears immediately roll dwn wen i read his sms... actuali i jus expect him to ignore - wad he always does... buthe REPLIED! whah.. i was so surprise n feel alittle happy... i tot he'll say someth pleased... but, he said those hurtful words... heart-broken, broken wounds bleed again... my smile fade away n tears fall uncontrobally...

i hate myself... should stop dreaming since the very 1st break on xmas... why give him opportunity to scold n insult me? hate myself bein so naive... tot he'll be touched by my chi xin, but im WRONG! All the tears in the world can nv bring him back... all my effort in mendin the rs n sacrifices to giv up my job din touch his heart... all my tears din melt his heart nor put down the fire in him... my care n concern to him is jus sticky to him... Yet, im still apologising n ask him not to b angry... WAD AM I DOING??!!! i hate myself dreamin abt him all nite n will defintely cry wen my mind tinks abt him... those memories, those sweet mushy things he said, all the promises he gave... i reali behave very stupidly lor... Maybe to him, tears are jus my way to bring him back... to him maybe tears can be control... its jus tat i CHOOSE to cry... i reali feel hurt tis time round... REALI..

Stick to him too much? i cant accept tis phrase lor... DID I??! i din stop him from meetin his frns nor i command him to "report" to me... a big NO NO NO... i oni will call him n ask abt his whereabouts as a concern, but in e end is i "report" willingly de... its an excuse ba...

I hate him too... he oni tins of himself... he luv to avoid... he felt tat he's feelin annoyed or irritated by me... he'll send out those hurtful sms alrdy... wen i ask him silly or boh liao qn, he'll jus ignore... Why cant he jus keep somethi to himself... eg anger?? why muz he be so cruel... i hate the present him... so heartless n cruel...


But aft all, its my "persistance" brings up today's heartless n cruel him... he was bein very friendly alrdy... but is my livin in matasy makes everyti go haywire AGAIN. Mayb to him, its difficult to bfrn too liao ba... he had obviously moved on very well, i shldnt stay at the same spot le...

TO SHAUN (if u happen to read tis): im reali sorry... tis time i've totally wake up from the dream... its ok tat u cant accept it or dun believe it... but i'll let u go... wont bother abt your privacy.. i jus hate to become foes aft a break-up... U'll nv understand hw impt is your presence at tat time which makes me so unbearble to leave u n accept the separation... U'll nv understand hw a gal without the care n concern from family will feel, wen a guy pop out.. its like having the whole world... he's a prince for the gal! but oki... its alright... i've 17+ yrs bein alone liao... so... no matter wad, i alrdy used to it n i'll be able to adapt back... My objective wen i like or luv a guy, is hopin to give him all happiness i can... Althou we had separate but i'll still hope to see u happy... no matter izzit fate or jus purely cincident... God has played a trick on me... brings me to heaven but push me down to hell again... But ok la, dun worry la... i'll recover... i'll forget the past unhappiness n carry on with my life... May the next time i contact u or vice-versal, we'll be able to chat happily... tis time i sincerely give up le... Not puttin up a show huh.... ;)

TO FRIENDS: tks tks... n dun worry... i'll do well... cry is confirm will la... but i'll noe hw to WIPE OFF MY TEARS... n PLS scold me wen i tinks to have those affair with him other than frnship again huh... scold me, give me attitude, shout at me... do wadever it takes so i wont fall aslp again...