New year, new resolution. New me, new edelynn... hee.. sounds very much like a poem ya?

using 7610 nw... hee... luv tis phone to bits esp with the "special meaning" behind... well, in this yr of dog, i've reali given down my hope n luv for lemon alrdy.. i guess i wont disturb him or interupt his life anymore liao ba... muz forget tis guy utterly... u noe, ytd i was sms-in with him.. i had alrdy forgotten the luv tat we used to share... till he told me "k la.. i going chinatown noe liao.. talk to u some other days... keep on msging with u lata my gf jealous... tataz... take care"... hah... iim no more sad nor heartbroken wen i see tis msg... but simply feel the anger n hatre... wad for he tell me all tis? u can jus simply say u going out or wadever etc... tell me abt your gf for wad? u mean u scare tat she'll be jealous? hah... once u aso afraid i'll be too.. but in the end u aso break all your promises... u're a jerk... a freat flirt... hate u to bits... well, anyway i cant blame u since its your hand, n your mind... go n tell her all your empty promises ba... n aso, i pity tat gal very very much if she reali luvs u... but... if she aso the same kinda as u, den i muz tell her to jia you... im not going to tink back abt the past anymore...

im going to "transform" into a new edelynn... hah... sounds difficult but i'll do my best...

firstly, no more tears for guys... no more easily to commit... even if i commit nw, the one who get hurt n finally cry, is still me... anyway, deres no forever luv... 18yrs old.. u tink its possible for a guy to luv me for 10 yrs n finally get married mehz? impossible... ppl married aso will divorce... i dun wan tis kinda thing happen to me... mayb nw its time to play ard ba... or rather fool around like wad some guys did... but as a gal, i wont go flirt around... hee... nahz, mayb god wans us to meet all kinds of wrong person before u meet the right one.. cuz by den u'll noe hw to cherish him/her... hmm... i dun wan cry anymore liao le la... every relationship de beginnin is so beautiful... so sweet.. but wen it ends, its either of hatred, tears or regrets...

secondly, will do my best, my very very best if i get into nie tis year.. will be workin very hard... will jia you.. so tis few months will be my last few months slackin around... promise!

den, wadever ppl said, i dun wan go bother so much... misunderstood me anot.. let it be.. i dun wan to be the same old edelynn who used to feel down easily wen ppl give me a bad remark... haiz, life muz carry on still... i jus wan to lead a happy n smooth life... i muz have a stand in myself aso... hah...

march will b 18 liao... will i be alone? or...? haha, who cares... as long as im happy..

anyway, 987 who left msg on my tag.board.. im sorry huh... misunderstood u to be "someone" alrdy... hah... zi zuo duo qin u see... sry... nah, impossible for a guy who like to hurt a gal so much to write read my blog... he had alrdy had not enuff time for gal liao lor... =x


lastly, HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR!

a few days ago i saw weisheng in bus.. he took my numb ma, den i was jokin abt... everytime i store his numb, my phone will got lost... a few days ago, dan was askin me to b careful with my phone dun make lost.. ytd i was tellin ryans i wanna buy 1GB de memory card.. nah, noe waD? i lost my phone again... Cried... Angry... Hated myself sooo much... wad happen to me last nite??! argh... i reali hated myself damn lotss... ya, ryan is right, no ppl ask me to drink till drunk de.. hah, i tot drink le n slp well n forget abt him... nah, at least it wont be as bad as cryin to bed ma.. but last nite is reali my fault la... a gal shouldnt drink till lidat.. guess where i slp last nite? arghss.... u guys guess... hmm.. its defintely a clean plac... neither someone's hse nor hotel la... lol..

rmb tat time wen i lost my k700i, jenn was tellin me abt god wanna me to lost n forget those memories of jianming.. haha.. n aft i lost my k700i, i get to noe shaun.. tis time lehz? lost 6230 means god wanna me to lost all the memories of him too? the sms, the picx... the songs he sent tat he said he like? den tis time i lost my phone who will i met? who'll be dere to tease me abt "losing things".. who'll be dere to "teach" me hw to take things? who'll be dere to come all the way down to partybox n ask ryan whos tat gal who lost her phone? i guess tis time no one will be doing it liao.. i miss him!!! hah... tot drinkin n get altttle drunk will makes me slp well wothout missin him n cryin to bed.. nw tis lost-hp-incident makes me rmb the past again... hah.. will u be readin tis? well, im not in my fantasy nor dreamland anymore.. jus hope i can still have the opportunity to noe u as a frn again... i hate myself sooo much.. nah, im jus the stupid n silly edelynn who crys damn easily... tot of doing all kinds of things tat u hate your gf will do, so den i can tell myself tat "im not your kind"... but.. wad i got is jus regrets n guilt... im not askin more la.. jus dun wan to be foes with you.. you get wad im tinkin?! u aso the stupid one... i had seen the impossible for us to be back as a couple liao, but jus miss n will tink back of the past memories n so-called promises.. tats it.. n i jus hope to be able to be frn.. why u can be so selfish n petty?!

i dunno wad im doing last nite.. ha... lost phone again... got drunk again... but well, i reali not the kind of gal for him.. he dun like his gal to drink.. but i jus luv drinkin so much.. =x false statement.im willing to give up anythi to the one i luv de wor... ha.. but so sad, no ppl appreciate nor wans...

talk abt the phone i wan.. hm... not picky anymore.. any phone, with memory card, mp3, cam phone can liao... but i quite like ryans phone.. hee...

siimply dunno wad to update here anymore... hmm... a plain n boring daily routine... wake up, dinner, go work, den slp... nthin special.. felt tat those who suppose to b dere not longer dere anymore.. or jus am i bein too sensitive? sweetheart no longer dere... ha... mayb its for the decision i made tat had cause so many ppl to run away??? nah.. no matter wad, i dun wan n i restrict the word "regret" to cum in my life anymore.. hope u understand why im doing it lor... try puttin yourself in my shooe... 100+per week dere's no way i can survive de.. no daily or monthly allowance from parents de orhzz... so i muz do wadever it takes to earn myself a living... m i right to say tis? hmm... i noe its alittle dis-respect.. but i feel its of no choice.. going over to find all over spore, would rather better to go back to the place where i noe most of the ppl.. ya? jus hope u guys will understand.. not going to live in the world of regrets nor hesistates anymore.. oni a "sorry"... dun assume tat i go back is for wad~wad~wad... im not.. actuali u noe, i was planning to go dere for mayb some days tat i do not have schedule n is free.. but.. looks like things went wrong again...

hah... anyway, workin life is complicatin...esp in pubs.. =x

tomor will be going back to sch.. ha.. aso dunno go back for wad.. but met jy dere liao.. hmm.. pray hard tat i can wake up in time uh...

sweetheart if u tend to see my tis blog, do sms me.. nah, i lost your contact numb... =x

hmm... went to see campus superstar live ytd, cuz kenneth's bro was in the contest.. yea, his brother reali sings well... but im kinda support Yuyang too... hee.. but, his sch ppl are reali rowdy.. hah, behave so beng but aso looks alittle childish lor.. hah, aso dunno why, jus feel tat the staridol Leo Lam looks like lemon so much.. n the Yuyang of campus superstar, n Leon Lim looks like him too.. =x think too much liao ba.. haha.. since cant dream n dare not dream of him anymore, den jus let me dream of thses newly-$-made idols ba.. ya, btw, sarah said lemon looks
alittle but like jay chou.. whaha..

made another choice in my life... quite pretty hard to choose la at first, but den later i feel tat ive to do somethi... i make tis choice isnt cuz i wan to say who's good, who's not.. who's right who's wrong.. but the situation infront of me tat im currently facing, tells me i need to choose it... so, i cant bother wad other ppl will be going to say alrdy.. as long as i feel im right.. for the past, ive been hearing and believin others alot, n its reali too much liao.. i got to be decisive n make my own judgement..

have so many ppl who i dunno start to leave msg on my tag.board.. na, do let me noe your name ba.. cuz the 987 let me thinks of someone.. =x no, i dare not think more, its jus the sudden feelin...

ytd went to punggol plaza with van. she meet leslie while i meet eric. hah, cant possible ask me sit dere be the light bulb ma.. so met eric lor, who ask him to stay mearby.. haha.. nah, he'sreali a chatty guy... my jie mei.. hee... can imagine, sitting at punggol plaza foodcourt... its reali damn BORING... tks to him who can tahan my nonsense n indirectly hints. lol. everythi was so on-going but half way eating, i realised ive order fried rice, jus a strong feelin askin me to order it. Upon eatin den i realise, fried rice - the fried rice lemon cooked is the nicest. hah... $ cant but one lehz.. somemore ive got no more chance to eat it liao... =x


A black sweater The memories of two people
After the rain has passedIt is even harder to forget
Forget that I still love you
You don’t have to mind The tears only just happened to be falling
I was already waiting at the bottom of the valley long ago
I know I cannot keep you from leaving anymore
And I know I must have a backboneI am thankful to you
For letting me possess the beauty of autumn
Watching that white dragonflyIn the air it forgets to go forward
Can I stillReweaveThe memories that are pilling in my mind
Say I love you again
Perhaps the rain won’t stop
The black sweater
Where is it hidden? Then just let the memories stop there forever

wenever i see the sweater of his at my hse, tis song will be playin right beside my ears... n the following 3 sentences assemble my feelin the most...
你不用在意 流淚也只是剛好而已
我知道不能再留住你 也知道不能沒有骨氣
感激妳 讓我擁有秋天的美麗
i oni can say thanks to him... the black sweater's memories stop at east coast park... mayb my memories should stop dere... hah.. aiya, i aso dunnno wad am i doing... alrdy pass so long liao but still keep thinkin abt him. nah... but ive put down everythi alrdy huh... no more in my fatasy... i shouldnt do or stay in someone who dun appreciate, cuz dey dun deserve...

Jus finish my nie o-level teacher training talk. nah, its very useful, but most of the things i noe alrdy... well, i reali regret n feel very sad abt my olevel result... i'v sooo many ppl ahead of me!! argh, so wad of the 1 in chinese, my english oni got 6... lousy... i jus pray hard tat i can get in... the NP's dip in chinese studies sounds very interstin... but minimum is a 5 in english, n dey oni habe 40 vancancies lidat... i guess i muz brush up my english...

can anyone tell me who is the 987 who left msg on the tag-board... tks...

at library now... jus help him searching the zhange fei advertisment over the magazines... but got nothi... before tat i went to the osim HQ to look for it aso, but true enuff, i oni got the brochure without the advertisment of fei ge dere... he need it for his proj, as it is around 5% over the 20%... hmm... i got nothi to do at home ma, jus feel like helpin a frn with it... hopefully i will hao ren you hao bao, next time wen i need somethi ppl aso will help me... :) but i din manage to get anythi.. search over the webbie too, but nothing is founded... *anyone readin tis, if u've lots of i-weekly at home, dun mid help me search for the advertisment wor... the one with zhang fei promoting the osim iDesire... haha... im so kind huh..

saw cat ytd, he work pass espynol ma, den he gave me a "hello, long time no see" smile... well, its me the one who took everythi so seriously in the past ba... actuali nothi de, den took everythi sooo seriously... he's avoiding... reali... my sms, my calls, he can jus ignore em... Jus dun understand why guys luv to ignore these sms... its my 1st time... fine, i've put everythi aside liao... but its somehow alittle sour to tink of cat wenever i dram of the memories i had with lemon... its somehow "ruin" at tat point of time ba... but cant blame cat too, its myself unsure of my own feelin, till both of them quit from the game... its lemon -- the one n oni tat i cry for n missed... haiz, wadever it is, i've lost the both of em, be it rs or jus purely frnship... I tot myself had alredy forgotten all abt lemon, but... its jus myself puttin him aside, doing all kinds of tings for other ppl n myself to put him aside. Wen im alone, nothi to do, my mind will tink of those memories again. Haha... mayb its jus like wad kenneth said ba, cant force de, the more u force, the more u cant forget, n it'll be more pain... Wadever it is, i've recover slowly liao... many people esp lemon, used to said, i've a lovely n bright smile... n he luv seein my smile... but i guess, my smile wont be on my face often liao... cant deny, i luv my own smile too, but these few days takin picx using my hp, i realise my smile bein alittle un-natural liao... haha, no ppl makes me smile liao.. Rmb once someone told me b4 at partybox (if im not wrong is jimmy ba), he said the most attractive of mine is my smile, cuz i smile easily n it made ppl feel warmth... (haha). lemon tried capturing the picx of mine wenever i smile.. but he often fails... n tis is wad i told him "u luv seeing my smile so much, if i allow u to capture my picx, u'll be keep seein my picx on the phone n wont make the effort to make me smile liao... " whaha... but i guess today's lemon, no matter izzit smile or tears, it wont melt his heart nor cheeer him up liao...

argh. put him aside first... tears drippin down liao.. haiz, the most heart-breakin part is to see him who once appear to be so caring n sad wen u cried, change over to someone who dun bother at all wen u cry... even its a frn pos, he did care too, he did speak in the soft tone tat i luv hearin to ask me not to cry.. but wad i got now is NOTHIN... i rmb last yr in july-aug, i hang out at partybox wenever im off... to drink n to pass my time.. the reason is to forget guanda... now lehz, is to forget shaun,... ok la, altho is jus 2 weeks, but i experience alot alot liao... nevertheless, i've bein for 1 week cinderalla... whaha...

another moody day for me... i dunno wad am i doing nw aso... jus attended the interview at kbox... hmmm, i reali dunno wad's so interestin abt the job tat made him stay for so long... late 1min = dedcut $10... uniform muz pay for $20... n wad, the pay before deductin cpf is 1050... den aft deduct will be very much lesser liao lor... new yr have no double pay... n yet he can be so committed to the job... WHY???? hmmm, i admire his persistence, n the commitment he had for his job, reali... but, is alittle blind liao ba...

missed him again... wen passin by tampiness mrt, recall all tat he said abt kbox, kbox, kbox.... had a feelin to call him... but... i hesistated... wad'll he tink wen i call him up and ask him abt kbox things... will he tot i still tryin to cling on him?? will his mood b spolit upon hearin my voice? will he jus give me a cold attitude tat will let me regret of callin him again? i den kept my phone one side...

i jus felt tat somethi is lost in my life... the meaning, the happiness.... i dun have wad otehrs have....

jus saw the drinks of lemondane n limenade at foodcourt... haha... it brings me some memories wor... hmm... mayb some days lata, dere'll be new flavours comin in too n mayb one of it will be replaced?

went back to sgss last fri, miss the plac to bits n the memories were so nice... the simple n innocent me have no other worries except passsing or failing a test n exam... no much hurts, no much cryings... jus a simple gal out dere admiring a guy quietly, n look at him shyly... its so simple... ha... but now, everythi seems so complicated...

anyway, i decided to go back n help redcross more on the events n trainings... hmm, my passion is back again, n i can see the unit reali needs some help...

had been pretty bz the past few days tat ive got no time thinkin n missing the past... as for nites, i spent it talking to someone... he huh, reali.... can make me laugh easily... simple a joker la... a noce frn out dere, who's willin to help, advise n cheer me up... =) oh yes, dere's a qn he asked... its an IQ qn, like to share it with u guys out dere.... There's a farmer who wan to shift its farm from Town A to Town B... he owes a cow, a wolf n a grassland... he had a boat but each time he can oni brings 1 animal/item... There's another prob, wolf will eats the cow. cow will eat the grassland... so... how do u transport them onto the new Town B? Anyone wans to guess???? An IQ qn huh i repeat... i spent around 15-20 mins.... hee....

picx added... i felt tat tis leo lam looks like shaun lehz... =X go observe... the pattern aso... whaha... 2 picx of leo n one picx of me with jennifer n christine... haiz, the shirt... $49 to cover somethi... haiz... sad...

stayed at home for 2 days liao, so nothing much to say... jus elaborate on the "waking up from fatasy"...

many ppl tell me to forget abt him, incl e friendship.. frankly speakin, i cant bear it... but... even if its to call him up, i feel weird too... i reali muz "throw" all my pride for tis guy ma?? no point alrdy la... he dun treasure it... Guowen aso said b4.. if the guy reali lurve u, he'll like to see u sticking to him all these de... den the 1st one month of the rs, nv ever put in 100% commitment... 1st month is always a trial period... wadever it is... i dun wish to tink abt wadever he said izzit true anot... i dun wish to keep tinkin if he's serious or jus playin me out too... Anyway, dey said im e first... dunno.. no ideas...


ya, monday went to temple with van, cuz somethi is troubling her heart too... so 2 young 17yrs old gal went to the temple n qiu qian.. hmm... its always good to ask buddha abt those things u're unsure of n she'll guide u.. but of course, dun b too superstitious... N eventually, buddha did give me a good guide wor.. i understood liao... =) anyway, aso found out tat I CAN MARRIED EARLY! if i did, somethi will defintely happen... oh, ive another 10 yrs to go to meet my prince... Does it mean i've 10 yrs to cry??! i dun wan la..

tdy is jan9... found my luv on dec9 last yr... but i woke up from my dreams alrdy... i din get e last chance to make my dream last alittle longer.. his shoutin makes my heart BROKE... tears immediately roll dwn wen i read his sms... actuali i jus expect him to ignore - wad he always does... buthe REPLIED! whah.. i was so surprise n feel alittle happy... i tot he'll say someth pleased... but, he said those hurtful words... heart-broken, broken wounds bleed again... my smile fade away n tears fall uncontrobally...

i hate myself... should stop dreaming since the very 1st break on xmas... why give him opportunity to scold n insult me? hate myself bein so naive... tot he'll be touched by my chi xin, but im WRONG! All the tears in the world can nv bring him back... all my effort in mendin the rs n sacrifices to giv up my job din touch his heart... all my tears din melt his heart nor put down the fire in him... my care n concern to him is jus sticky to him... Yet, im still apologising n ask him not to b angry... WAD AM I DOING??!!! i hate myself dreamin abt him all nite n will defintely cry wen my mind tinks abt him... those memories, those sweet mushy things he said, all the promises he gave... i reali behave very stupidly lor... Maybe to him, tears are jus my way to bring him back... to him maybe tears can be control... its jus tat i CHOOSE to cry... i reali feel hurt tis time round... REALI..

Stick to him too much? i cant accept tis phrase lor... DID I??! i din stop him from meetin his frns nor i command him to "report" to me... a big NO NO NO... i oni will call him n ask abt his whereabouts as a concern, but in e end is i "report" willingly de... its an excuse ba...

I hate him too... he oni tins of himself... he luv to avoid... he felt tat he's feelin annoyed or irritated by me... he'll send out those hurtful sms alrdy... wen i ask him silly or boh liao qn, he'll jus ignore... Why cant he jus keep somethi to himself... eg anger?? why muz he be so cruel... i hate the present him... so heartless n cruel...


But aft all, its my "persistance" brings up today's heartless n cruel him... he was bein very friendly alrdy... but is my livin in matasy makes everyti go haywire AGAIN. Mayb to him, its difficult to bfrn too liao ba... he had obviously moved on very well, i shldnt stay at the same spot le...

TO SHAUN (if u happen to read tis): im reali sorry... tis time i've totally wake up from the dream... its ok tat u cant accept it or dun believe it... but i'll let u go... wont bother abt your privacy.. i jus hate to become foes aft a break-up... U'll nv understand hw impt is your presence at tat time which makes me so unbearble to leave u n accept the separation... U'll nv understand hw a gal without the care n concern from family will feel, wen a guy pop out.. its like having the whole world... he's a prince for the gal! but oki... its alright... i've 17+ yrs bein alone liao... so... no matter wad, i alrdy used to it n i'll be able to adapt back... My objective wen i like or luv a guy, is hopin to give him all happiness i can... Althou we had separate but i'll still hope to see u happy... no matter izzit fate or jus purely cincident... God has played a trick on me... brings me to heaven but push me down to hell again... But ok la, dun worry la... i'll recover... i'll forget the past unhappiness n carry on with my life... May the next time i contact u or vice-versal, we'll be able to chat happily... tis time i sincerely give up le... Not puttin up a show huh.... ;)

TO FRIENDS: tks tks... n dun worry... i'll do well... cry is confirm will la... but i'll noe hw to WIPE OFF MY TEARS... n PLS scold me wen i tinks to have those affair with him other than frnship again huh... scold me, give me attitude, shout at me... do wadever it takes so i wont fall aslp again...